November 19, 2007

"Shadow of the Moon" revisions


TP is the TokyoPop translation. EW is my translation.

Chapter 51

I had a bad week here with the dialog attributions.

1. TP: "I'm sorry, the Yasuda lecture hall?" asked Yoko, afraid she was revealing her ignorance of something she should know about. [1]
      "Ah, I suppose it was before your time. It was a student protest. Well, we thought of it as a revolution. Quite the affair, it was, at least in our minds. [2] Perhaps it didn't make the history books, though."
      "I, uh . . . I'm not terribly good with history."

EW: "Yasuda . . . ?"
      "Do you know about it? It was a big deal at the time. Perhaps by now it has been consigned to the musty pages of history."
      "Just because I don't know something . . . . "

1.1. The addition is not in the original.
1.2. This parenthetical essentially presents the same information as my footnote.

2. TP: Yoko sighed unhappily, though the answer did not surprise her.

EW: Youko took a breath. "Is that so?" But it didn't hit her as hard as she had expected.

The verb means: "to catch one's breath; to draw a breath; to stop for breath." There is no accompanying adverb.

3. TP: Wall sat silently, thinking. Then he chuckled, and looked into Yoko's eyes. "My dear, it appears that you are not human."
      Also not a surprise, thought Yoko, recalling her strange dreams.

EW: Rakujin looked inquiringly at Rakushun. When Rakushun confirmed what she was saying, he thought it over for a minute.
      "It would seem that you are not human."
      I knew that, Youko thought.

The addition is not in the original.

4. TP: "Yoko," Rakushun said, his voice stern.
      Yoko pulled back her sleeve and held out her right hand "I thought it was strange. I was wounded in this palm very badly. It was a wound I received from a demon, after coming here. The cut went clean through my hand, very deep, but now it's barely visible."
      Rakushun looked at Yoko's outstretched palm and began to stroke his whiskers. He was the one who had tended to that wound. He was a witness; he could attest to its severity.
      "It's not just this one?I've been wounded all over. Yet all of the scars are now so faded I can hardly tell where they were. And even when I first got them, the wounds seemed too light to have come from the monstrous things that were attacking me. They would bite through my hand and only leave a trail of fang marks. It seems like I've become resistant to injury somehow."
      Yoko laughed. For some reason Wall's confirmation of her suspicions about herself made her giddy. "It was all because I'm--what was the word you used--fey. I suppose that's why all the demons were after me, too."

EW: Rakushun raised his voice sharply.
      "Youko."
      He drew back her sleeve, showing her right hand. "I find this most curious. There should be a scar in the palm of her hand, a wound she received when she came here and was attacked by the youma. It was a deep wound that went straight through her hand. Now, you can barely see it."
      Rakushun gently unfolded her hand and examined her palm. He quivered his whiskers. This was the wound Rakushun had tended to himself. He could testify to the fact that it was indeed a serious injury.
      "She should have many other scars, but you'd never know it. The wounds themselves are very light for being inflicted by youma. No fang marks remain where she was bitten. For some reason, her body has become very resilient to injury.
      Youko had to smile. Listening on as her alien nature was acknowledged, It struck her as quite funny. "Because I'm a youma, don't you see? That's why they hunt me and attack me."

TokyoPop is correct about the dialog attributions:

      Rakushun raised his voice sharply. "Youko."
      She drew back her sleeve, showing her right hand. "I always thought this was odd. There should be a scar in the palm of my hand, I wound I got after coming here and being attacked by the youma. It was a deep wound that went straight through my hand. Now, I can barely see it."
      Rakushun gently unfolded her hand and examined her palm. He quivered his whiskers. This was the wound Rakushun had tended to himself. He could testify to the fact that it was indeed a serious injury.
      "I should have a lot of other scars, but you'd never know it. The wounds themselves are very light for being inflicted by youma. No fang marks remain where where I was bitten. For some reason, my body has become very resilient to injury."
      Youko had to smile. The realization that she was not human struck her as rather amusing. "Because I'm a youma, don't you see? That's why they hunt me and attack me."

5. TP: Wall looked at Yoko. "Now, if you are fey, there may be another explanation for what was happening to you. Although I've never heard of feuds between demonkin, a demon, when starving, will practice cannibalism; perhaps something about your true nature could attract their hunger. Still. . ."
      "I wonder," said Rakushun. "Yoko sure doesn't look like a demon."
      Wall nodded. "There are some demons who can take human form, but not so perfectly. And, of course, if she were a demon, she probably would have realized it by now." [1]
      "I realized something was going on," Yoko told him, smiling ruefully. [2]

EW: Rakujin looked at Youko. "Now, if we supposed that you were a youma, that would simplify things greatly. I have heard of youma being separated from their packs. When they come close to starving, they are the kind of beast that will feed even upon their own kind."
      "Youko doesn't look like a youma," Rakushun said, and Rakujin nodded.
      "There are people who have turned into youma, but I don't think completely. Moreover, they are not conscious of it themselves."
      Youko smiled thinly. "That doesn't mean it couldn't happen."

5.1. TokyoPop is correct: "There are youma who can disguise themselves as humans, but not perfectly. And to not be aware of their youma nature themselves--"
5.2. A double negative is used here: "That doesn't mean it didn't happen."

6. TP: "You may not be able to leave the capital until the king and his advisors figure out what's going on, but I'm sure the Ever-King will help you get home once these matters are cleared up."

EW: Until you figure out what is going to happen next, you may find yourself at loose ends as well, but once everything is put in order, I am sure the king will find a way home for you."

TokyoPop is correct: "Until they figure out what is going on, you may be detained."

7. TP: "Don't you want to hear anything about Japan? I mean, as it is now? [1] At least while we walk to the gates?"
      "No need," Wall laughed. "My revolution failed, and I fell into this world, into hiding. I'm content to stay hidden." [2]

EW: "At the very least, we can speak Japanese on our way to the gates."
      "There is no need." Rakujin laughed. "You see, that is the country I ran away from when I tried to start a revolution and failed."

7.1. TokyoPop is correct: "At the very least, we can talk about Japan on our way to the gates."
7.2. The addition is not in the original.

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