January 30, 2021
Hills of Silver Ruins (2/1)
The Naiden (内殿) appears to function similarly to the Oval Office and the Cabinet Room in the White House.
Labels: 12 kingdoms, black moon, fantasy, japanese, translations
Comments
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Yes!!!!! Finally, Asen is about to appear!!!!
Thank you for your hard work!
Some things, though: "Brushing Taiki’s hair, Shouwa responded to Kouryou with a startled expression. Her hands paused." Shouldn't that be mane, since Taiki is a Kirin? Also, I am not an expert, but maybe this sentence should be rearranged a bit? You said that Showa was brushing Taiki's hair when she gave Kouryou a startled look, but then the word "responded" should be changed, since it indicates that she said something, not looked at someone. Alternately, if the word "responded" refers to what she said later, then why did you write that her hands paused afterward?
Furthermore, you wrote that she "now was trimming his hair" afterward, and while I understand that it may be just how it is written in the novel, why mention it when the previous quote already did?
Other small mistakes:
"but the complete () of an inclination to do so" I believe you missed a word here.
"His Highness made the summons" Unless he summoned both Taiki and Kouryou, I think the word should be singular "summon" not plural.
"the emissary stated in flat and emotionless tones" I am not sure, but since the word "tones" refers to the tone the emissary spoke with, I think it should be singular with an "a" before "in". You may want to double-check me, however. I am not really sure about this.
"Chou’un glared him" Need an "at" here before "him".
"if a summons was handed down" again the issue with the plural "summons".
Again, thank you so much for your hard work!!! Keep it up!!!
Thank you for your hard work!
Some things, though: "Brushing Taiki’s hair, Shouwa responded to Kouryou with a startled expression. Her hands paused." Shouldn't that be mane, since Taiki is a Kirin? Also, I am not an expert, but maybe this sentence should be rearranged a bit? You said that Showa was brushing Taiki's hair when she gave Kouryou a startled look, but then the word "responded" should be changed, since it indicates that she said something, not looked at someone. Alternately, if the word "responded" refers to what she said later, then why did you write that her hands paused afterward?
Furthermore, you wrote that she "now was trimming his hair" afterward, and while I understand that it may be just how it is written in the novel, why mention it when the previous quote already did?
Other small mistakes:
"but the complete () of an inclination to do so" I believe you missed a word here.
"His Highness made the summons" Unless he summoned both Taiki and Kouryou, I think the word should be singular "summon" not plural.
"the emissary stated in flat and emotionless tones" I am not sure, but since the word "tones" refers to the tone the emissary spoke with, I think it should be singular with an "a" before "in". You may want to double-check me, however. I am not really sure about this.
"Chou’un glared him" Need an "at" here before "him".
"if a summons was handed down" again the issue with the plural "summons".
Again, thank you so much for your hard work!!! Keep it up!!!
I fixed the typos and rewrote the scene with Shouwa. The question of Taiki's hair is an interesting one, since he can no longer transform into a kirin. In any case, the author uses kami (髪), meaning hair (of the head), and not tategami (鬣), meaning mane. Given the context, summons is the singular form of the noun, as in "to serve a summons."