September 01, 2008

"Shadow of the Moon" revisions

Chapter 8-8/67

1. TP: "Thus it is told that in the spring of the sixth year of Yosei, being the Era of the Blue Prophet, Keiki, minister of Kei, had lost the way, and calamity was visited upon the realm.

EW: In the Spring of the Sixth Year of Yosei, the Reign of the Late Empress Jokaku, the Taiho Keiki fell grievously ill with the Shitsudou. The Capital Gyouten was ravaged by Fire and Pestilence.

Literalism gets in the way of the meaning. The shitsudou is the disease that afflicts the kirin when the king strays from the Way. The En explains this in chapter 59.

2. TP: Then the people despaired, and lamented in song, believing that the General of Heaven had come to destroy Kei.

EW: The Lamentations of the People cried out across the Land, saying, The Gods of War will surely destroy Kei.

These are poetic terms--in many cases derived from classical Chinese--so it's hard to be definitive, but I think being too literal becomes a tad absurd.

3. TP: The moon waxed still as she was ruined upon the mountain [1] and buried thereafter in the land of Cold Springs. [2] Glory-King she had been for six years, the Prophet her death name for eternity.

EW: In the Fifth Month of that Year, the Empress Jokaku repaired to Mount Hou and there sought Pardon from Heaven and renounced the Throne. And so she died and was buried at Senryou. Her Reign lasted Six Years. Following her Death, she was given the Posthumous Name, Yo.

3.1. The verb usually means "to crumble into ruins" (kuzureru), but with the rare inflection used here (houzuru), it refers specifically to the death of a royal figure. Daijisen uses the following example: "The Showa Emperor has passed away."
3.2. Again, it depends on how literally you want to read the kanji.

4. TP: The Prophet ruined, the impostor Joyei rose in her place. Claiming the title of Glory-King, she entered Gyouten, and chaos spread like wildfire through the realm; the people's miseries were redoubled.

EW: With the Abdication of the Late Empress Yo, Joei usurped the Throne. Joei falsely named herself Royal Kei and entered Gyouten. The Kingdom was cast into Chaos.

Not in the original, but a logical inference.

5. TP: And then, during the seventh moon of the seventh year, Yoko Sun-Child [1] was chosen the next Glory-King of Kei: Yoko Sun-Child, of the surname Nakajima, and the true name [2] of Sekishi, the Red Child, who had been born as Taika over the Void Sea.

EW: In the Seventh Month of the Seventh Year, the Empress Youko, the Royal Kei of the Kingdom of Kei, acceded to the Throne. The Surname of the Empress Youko being Nakajima, her Imperial Insignia being Sekishi, or the Imperial Child, also meaning the Red Child, [3] she having been born a Taika.

5.1. The literal meaning of "Youko."
5.2. The term used here is azana. Daijisen defines it as "a name (in medieval China) other than the person's real name, or (in Japan) a pen name derived from a writer's real name."
5.3. I added these two parentheticals to explain the various readings of the kanji.

6. TP: In the first moon [1] of the seventh year she returned from the land of Hourai, and in the waning of the seventh moon, did bring succor to the land; and begging aid of Shoryu, Ever-King of En, she quelled the false king, [2] Joyei.

EW: In the Third Month of the Seventh Year, the Empress returned from Yamato, quelling the Rebellion in the Seventh Month. Answering her Petition, the Royal En, King Shouryuu, deposed the Pretender, Joei.

6.1. The text says "third month [or moon]" (the same kanji in Japanese).
6.2. This is badly worded on my part, implying that the Royal En does the deposing (it's all one sentence in the original). TokyoPop gets the object and verb in the proper order (though I wouldn't use "quell" with a person).

Better: "In the Third Month of the Seventh Year, the Empress returned from Yamato. The Royal En, King Shouryuu, having answered her Petition, the Empress quelled the Rebellion at the Close of the Seventh Month and deposed the Pretender, Joei."

7. TP: In the eighth moon, upon the Mountain of the Sage's Brush, she received the Mandate of Heaven and became the Glory-King in truth, to be revered by her people and counted among the gods.

EW: In the Eighth Month of that Year, the Empress Youko ascended Mount Hou and there accomplished her Investiture. Her Name was recorded in the Census of Heaven, and she was granted the Title of Royal Kei.

The addition is not in the original.

8. TP: In Gyouten, then, she gave final repose to the Prophet, and assigned the six officials and many governors of the land to bring order. The new calendar [1] was named Sekiraku, being the start of the Era of Red Happiness, and so the Court of the Red King began. " [2]

EW: The Royal Kei re-interred the Late Empress Yo at Gyouten, appointed six new Ministers of State, and established the Government. The Era of her Reign was designated Sekiraku, from the First Character of the Imperial Insignia and the Name of her Friend and Confident, Rakushun.

8.1. The adverb "new" is attached to the "six ministers," LIT: "six ministers were newly appointed." The era name and calendar are more or less interchangeable, as the former makes necessary the latter.
8.2. I left off this last clause (I think I figured the previous sentence said as much): "And so was inaugurated the Imperial Court of the Red Child."

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